Parents and children

I had a kind of a depressing morning today...our dhoban's (washerwoman) son (who wears shiny tracksuits and shoes and has a phone better than I have) scares his parents with threats like he will burn his parents down, etc. if they dont listen to him or ask him where he goes and they too are scared of him. I asked her who does the garden quarter belong to? Her son or her husband? So, why don't they have the courage to tell him better listen to us or don't step into this house. She has three younger children. Why are parents scared of children and give in to whims?

 On the other hand, there are parents like my Mali (gardener)...He had lost his wife almost 10 years ago and are bringing up 3 daughters on his own. All three going to school, polite, well dressed and good mannered. While this makes me want to salute him, feel so sad at the sight of the much larger number of garden worker children with fancy mobile phones, shiny clothes, listening to music on loud speakers while their parents earn.

When we were young, there were things I wanted but didn't ask my mom because I knew it was something she would say 'no' to. And I would have probably got a scolding too. The price was not the issue but the importance was and who decided how important that thing was for me? My mom, of course. Heavens save me if I had the audacity to say that I didn't liked what was served for dinner. It was only when I reached college that I actually wearing stuff I liked (and for a long time, what 'I' liked was actually what was ingrained in me for so long.) Today I have children of my own. I had promised myself I would not be such a strict parent as my Mom was but even my 'much less strict' behaviour can make you wilt if you are doing something I feel is wrong.

I believe in freedom but not in freedom that makes you disrespectful. Also, till you are at least 16 years old, I have rules. You are free to not eat non-vegetarian food but you have to eat and finish the

vegetables. You can play games on the computer provided it's less than 45 minutes at a stretch. You can argue with me on various topics but can never, heavens forbid, say anything disrespectful. For toys and gadgets, we have a budget but for books, our pockets are always open. I have been taught stuff by my parents, who have been taught by theirs etc and it is my duty to pass these things on to you. Call me old fashioned, I really don't care. So, we have poetry reading sessions, we have chess matches, we listen to songs, we see and discuss movies because if we don't discuss what we like and don't like with each other now, with whom will we do that?
Believe me, I probably hated my mom when I was in school but the tennis lessons that she pushed me to, the dance lessons she insisted I had to attend, the Sanchayita recitations we used to have, the semi-formal kind of clothes I always had to wear, the embroidery, knitting, stitching that I had to learn, the huge supply of books we always had everywhere at home, at cousin's houses, the wonderful variety in music we heard everywhere, are things I am eternally grateful for. We had conversations those days. Heated debates on some scientific theory or a paragraph in a book. (These debates I still have with my mom even now.) Our grandparents, uncles, aunts, elder cousins all formed the outer cocoon of our world, each one of them imparting whatever good things they could. We, in our own way, are trying to do the same but as things have changed tremendously, there of course are many changes to the way we are doing things. Sometimes (many times), we make mistakes but admitting  that to my children was one of the biggest lessons we have learned.

You are my most precious child and I love you like I can't love anyone else. I am proud of you and at the same time want you not to get swollen by this pride. I want you to look at the person behind every service you receive or give. This is something I have told you again and again and again: Never, ever look at how rich or poor someone is. Look at what 'they' are. Don't ever get tempted by goodies. Respect the poet, the author, the scientist, the sportsman, the businessman...respect everyone who gives theri best to their work, even he is a gardener.
And yes, I rule over you, I am your boss, you have to listen to what I say because by luck and by God's grace, I happen to be your parent and you are my child.